Knives' Fury
by Marie Hawkins
Summary: When Scott Pilgrim breaks up with Knives, on her BIRTHDAY, she is crushed! She finds comfort in talking to her sister, who listens to Knives' dramatic tale for reasons of her own. Knives, finishing her tale of woe, decides to get her man back! Oneshot.


Her life was officially over. Why? Because of some stupid fat-ass American chick. The fact that she was American made it ten times worse. Knives felt she could _never _compete with an American. Even if she was fat.

She stormed through her house. Her sister didn't question her, or look up from the magazine she was reading. Her parents, on the other hand, freaked out.

"Knives?" her mother called. "Knives, what's wrong? Where's your boyfriend? I thought he was coming for dinner?" Knives had long since disappeared up the stairs, but she yelled her answer back to her mother.

"I don't have a boyfriend!" she yelled angrily. She threw herself on her bed. She slammed her fists against her mattress and screamed into her pillow.

"DAMMNIT!" she yelled. She knew that under normal circumstances her mother would kill her for using such language, but at this point, she didn't really care. She was furious. She heard her bedroom door open. It was her sister.

"What bites today?" her sister asked, calmly sitting on Knives' bed. She pulled her knees up to her chin, preparing for the epic tale of heart-wrenchingness. This was gonna be good.

"I got dumped," Knives said dramatically. Her voice was louder than was really necessary, but she only felt like screaming at the moment. "Who dumps you on your _birthday_? Scott Pilgrim! Why? Why would he do that?" she asked her sister. "Do you think I did something to annoy him? I couldn't have! I've done everything that a regular, supportive girlfriend would do!"

"Were you clingy?" her sister sighed. Knives hadn't dated a boy before, but it wouldn't be unlike her to be clingy. She had told Knives to _avoid_ being clingy, but she never listened. Knives' hands flew to her O- shaped mouth.

"Oh, no! Maybe it was because of the The Clash at Demonhead CD I picked up! I totally heart them, but Scott hates them for some reason. After I said I liked them, he kinda shut down. Oh, my God. That has to be it!" Knives groaned and slammed her face into her pillow repeatedly.

Her sister looked on, trying to keep her expression bored.

"I've got to get him back!" she said, determination in her eye. "Do you know _what_ he dumped me for? Some stupid FAT ASS! And she's a damn AMERICAN," Knives growled. "I bet if I had to, I could kick her fat ass. Do you think she'd fight me?"

Knives' sister shrugged. It wasn't like Knives ever listened to _her_ advice when she got like this. The only thing she could do was listen and then blog about it later. Knives was so dramatic about _everything_. Break-ups, flat tires, toilet seats left up, you name it. It was quite entertaining to watch her explode over the little things, you just couldn't let her know you found it entertaining when she got mad. Otherwise, she'd get mad at you too.

"How am I gonna get him back? What should I do?" she asked her sister. Knives' eyes were wide. Her face was about three inches from her sisters, and it made Knives' sister feel quite uncomfortable.

"I dunno. Make him jealous?" Knives' sister suggested. Knives' tear-stained face broke into an evil grin. She jumped off her bed and threw her pillow joyfully in the air.

"You're a genius! I know exactly what to do!" Knives smiled. She pulled out her phone, and texted someone. Then, she requested a ride to the grocery store.

"Why exactly are we here?" Knives' sister asked.

"I'm going to make my hair look like that fat ass'," Knives said, informing her sister. "She may be a bitch, but she's got cool hair. I think that the fact that her hair was awesome colors helped her steal Scott from me. I think that my hair would look good with highlights, don't you? And I don't mean lame highlights. I want _cool_ highlights. What color do you think?" Knives was talking quickly. She stopped in front of all the odd colored dyes. Knives' sister was debating on handing her sister a hideous orange color, but thought better of it. Instead, she picked up a deep blue color.

"What do you think of this?" she said, holding it out to Knives.

"Perfect!" Knives said, snatching it up. They returned home, and Knives immediately began to color her hair. She talked all the while, increasing in dramatic interpretation. Knives' sister wished she could record this. It was priceless. While Knives was rinsing her hair, her sister ducked out. Knives hadn't listened when she told her she couldn't hear a damn word she was saying. All she had to do was think of a creative title for her blog post. Something pun-y….

Knives turned off the water from the tub, and reached blindly for a towel.

"Just wait 'till Scott sees me," she said, excitedly. "He'll be so upset that he left me for a fat ass. He'll take me back. He'll just have to! Nothing can stop me from being with the man that I love!" She realized that her sister had disappeared. Oh, well. It was nice to have her around once in a while. At least she cared. Knives stood, and dried her hair quickly. She smiled at her new reflection in the mirror. The blue streaks were a nice touch. She looked sexy.

"Here I come, fat-ass," she smiled at herself, and headed out the door. She was going to get Scott back, even if it was the last thing she did.


End file.
